Dutch Trick or Treat
Placido Polanco of the Detroit Tigers turned in a memorable effort in an unmemorable World Series. Not for what he accomplished though. For stinking up the joint.
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ING Investment Management’s fundamental equity team might be the Placido Polanco of the buyside. They stink too.
ING’s Dutch parent has done an admirable job establishing a beachhead in the U.S. through its ubiquitous ING Direct online bank and branding via a massive advertising budget that includes this week’s NYC marathon. Deep pockets indeed.
But ING Funds domestic offerings are a bit uneven. The ING Partners Fund family has assembled an all-star roster of sub-advisory relationships. The term “best of breed” usually provokes the involuntary gag reflex in us, but in this case it might be deserved. These outside managers are for the most part legit.
While ING’s quantitative equity products also seem to pass muster despite recent personnel turnover and client defections, ING’s NYC-based fundamental equity team seem to be giving their fund’s investors more of a trick than a treat.
After a spate of acquisitions and the subsequent integration efforts that combined the investment professionals of the Pilgrim Funds, Furman Selz and Aetna among others, you are left with what unhappy investors could only describe as a work in progress. Although ING’s newly-arrived small cap team are getting the job done, the larger-cap offerings that constitute the bulk of the assets run by this motley-NYC based-crue are posting bottom quartile year-to-date numbers with no turnaround in sight.
Eddie Lampert Superhero
Eddie Lampert needs no introduction to regular readers of UTC. His investment prowess is the stuff of legend...and his interests in Kmart and later Sears, Roebuck formed a retailing colossus. Of course, it was his escape from kidnappers that cemented his fame. Andy Serwer pretty much summed up the incident in an appearance on the now defunct Wall Street Week
He was always a private, very secretive even kind of guy, and this was just accentuated dramatically. In January of 2003, last year, four thugs kidnapped Lampert in his parking garage in that suburban Connecticut business park where he works. They gagged him, bound him up, threw him in the back of a Blazer, drove him up Route 95 in Connecticut up to New Haven, and they put him in a Days Inn, a cheap hotel outside of New Haven, put him in the bathtub and threatened to kill him if he didn’t pay them ransom money. He was terrified. He thought he was going to die. And he somehow talked his way out, and they also then tracked the kidnappers, because the kidnappers used his cell phone, Lampert’s cell phone and credit card to order a pizza. So there is a little bit of an element of preposterousness. But you know these guys, these kidnappers are very scary. They typed into Google, say, you know, richest person in Connecticut, and Eddie Lampert’s name came up, and they tracked him down.
Idol Worship is one of the few constants on Wall Street....and Eddie is always in vogue. We believe the following video chronicles Eddie, trading under the pseudonym “Mr. P”, interacting with his head trader Stewart as they buy a block of Kmart stock early in their accumulation of the shares.
This rare archival footage is of major historical significance and should be of interest to all the foot soldiers in Eddie’s Army.
No relation to Arnie’s Army
Hedgies Earn Less Than Rappers
Pulling down $1.5 million in annual compensation might fire up the imagination of the wall street working stiffs that troll this site, but it is not that much money, particularly if you live in the New York metro area. Hell, I lost more money than that trying to buy the open in Optium Corp this morning.
And less face it, no self-respecting rapper would even get out of bed for that kind of chicken feed.
Glocap could never land me a job...what do they know anyhow.
Top 10 reasons we hate CFA’s
We are not haters here at underthecounter.
We will admit to bouts of schadenfreude, usually directed at idiots who passed us over for a job or promotion in years past. And not a day goes by that we don’t yell “DIE DIE DIE” at our multiple monitors as our shorts begin their inevitable descent into hell. But honestly, we love all of god’s creatures.
Except for CFA’s.
Thus, we are thinking of banning CFA’s from reading underthecounter. They are not hard to pick out from a crowd as we can smell their arrogance from a mile away. For what its worth, they smell like a green eyeshade crossed with a cheap suit.
Without further ado, and with apologies to David Letterman...our top ten list.
WHY WE HATE CFA’s
10) They are so damn smug because they passed a stupid test. OK three tests
9) The CFA Institute reminds us of a cult. Its scientology for bean counters
8) CFA’s make lousy wingmen. They repel women
7) Charlottesville, VA was part of the Confederacy. The rebs lost the civil war. We hate losers
6) CFA’s hide behind their credential after bottom-quartile performance
5) CFA charterholders mock their Code of Ethics when they are drunk. Thats just wrong
4) 52% of the people who passed the exam before 1993 had their roommate take it for them
3) CFA shingles are uglier than most of Stevie Cohen’s art collection
2) We have never seen a CFA reading Trader Monthly or Maxim
1) Because they are Cocky Freaking Assholes
Glad I got that off my chest.
Sure Beats a Stick in the Eye
Beleaguered Fund Manager Bill Miller of Legg Mason Value Trust is probably dancing a jig in his cubicle today as the pop in Amazon.com tacks on close to a hundred million dollars to the funds coffers. Although he is still unlikely to catch the S&P 500 this year, the larger-than-life manager whose girth is more impressive than his recent performance might want to celebrate with a burger for lunch.
