Bad Commerz
Working for the European’s might be slightly preferable to working for Hank Paulson’s two headed monster, but I generally prefer Yanks to Europeans and Japanese.
With heads rolling left and right it should only be a matter of time before a story surfaces that top this, one of the most bungled layoffs of all time:
2004:
.....the last major investment banking job cull undertaken by Commerzbank - the hundreds of jobs that went in London in 2004, when the bank decided to refocus its securities business.
The cull was generally regarded as a bunged and botched exercise undertaken by professionals who should have know better. The bank closed the securities unit some four years ago, after allegedly raking up losses of over $900m. Included in the cull were the firm’s 10-strong prop trading team, who are said to have been called early one morning at their homes and told that their services were no longer required.
The problem was, so it was reported in the media at the time, that the traders were still running open positions, mainly in convertible bonds. And some of them, miffed that they had been canned in a rather callous manner, are alleged to have called up traders at rival firms and spilled the beans on the positions, enabling their rivals to allegedly turn a healthy profit by pulling their bids on the bonds they knew Commerzbank was getting ready to dump. The German bank is thought to have lost another $85m that week, just because of the careless way it is said to have fired their traders. In the end, the bank is said to have had to recall some of the traders anyway, as it required their help to close-out their positions.
How NOT To Lay-off Investment Bankers
Here is the City
Levi Johnston: He Shoots, He Scores
Before Levi Johnston pulled down his MySpace profile, millions read about his desire to not be a daddy.
But things change, and now he is in the middle of a shitstorm:
Johnston is basically the quintessential example of that guy who you are constantly worried is going to impregnate your daughter (and occasionally does). He’s a handsome stud, an athletic star, and he has a criminal record. (For illegally fishing some Alaskan king salmon from Moose Lake out of season. Best crime ever!) He even has a fake blog already (Sample headline: “ABORT! ABORT! ABORT!"). Plus, he described himself as a “fuckin’ redneck” on his now-defunct MySpace page, which is basically the truest combination of two words anyone has made during this whole campaign. Dude, Honest Abe himself would want this guy in the Lincoln bedroom.
Of course, I find this completely normal..hockey players are horny. Sarah Palin has some problems to work out, but at least her spawn did not work at a hedge fund with Moonies.
Hedge fund executive Hunter Biden has had anything but a quiet introduction to his career in finance.
The 38-year-old son of Democratic vice presidential candidate Sen. Joe Biden is caught up in several lawsuits regarding the acquisition and operation of Paradigm Companies, an investment firm that operates a fund of funds - a hedge fund that invests in other hedge funds.
Biden also appears to be feuding with partner James Park, the son-in-law of the Rev. Sun Myoung Moon, Court papers show.
Now that is strange.....
New York Magazine
We’re Sorry, But Palin Baby Daddy Levi Johnston Is Sex on Skates
BIDEN’S SON IN FUND SUIT
New York Post
Hamptons Mayor Indicted for Securities Fraud
Most quants would be satisfied with 55% of their trades as winners.
Of course, there are other ways to win on Wall Street. One money-manager discovered a system that resulted in 202 winners out of 204 trades.
Amazing? Perhaps, if his lawyer can get him off:
The mayor of the upscale East End village of Quogue was indicted yesterday on charges of illegally earning at least $1.3 million for his investment firm through securities fraud and impeding a federal investigation by altering firm documents.
Reached at his Quogue home last night, Mayor George Motz said that he was unaware of the federal indictment a grand jury issued in Brooklyn.
“I absolutely have not done anything wrong,” he said. “It makes no sense.” Asked if he would resign, Motz said, “Absolutely not. I’ve done a great job,” and the charges are unrelated to his work as mayor.
According to the indictment filed by Assistant U.S. Attorney James McGovern, Motz, head of the Manhattan investment firm of Melhado, Flynn & Associates, enriched himself and his firm by “cherry-picking,” crediting more profitable stock trades to his firm’s account and the less profitable trades to other customers’ accounts.
When the SEC began investigating Motz’s practices in 2003, Motz, along with others who were not named, illegally altered company records to make it appear as if all the stock trades had been legitimately carried out, according to the indictment.
In one scheme, between November 2002 and September 2003, Motz retroactively credited profitable stock trades to his firm and unprofitable ones to a hedge fund called Third Millennium, the indictment said. The fund’s partners were “primarily high-net-worth individuals,” according to the indictment.
“The fund was marketed to investors based in part on Motz’s track record of success in trading,” the indictment said.
In many cases, the indictment said, Motz waited until the end of a trading day to determine which trades were profitable and which were not.
Between November 2000 and September 2003, Motz assigned 204 of his stock trades to his firm’s own account, the indictment said. Of these, 202 were profitable, the indictment says.
Motz, 66, has been the Quogue mayor for seven years. Most of the village’s 1,300 homes are vacation spots for affluent city dwellers. Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton have been summer residents there, according to one local history. Newsday
Innocent until proven guilty..maybe he just has the magic touch.
What do you think?
But clearly keeping up with the Joneses on the East End has its downside. And to be fair, it is not the largest scandal in Quogue.
Rogue interior designers and neon signs have the bastion of Waspi-ness a twitter.
Welcome to the apocalypse, Quogue.
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Quogue mayor indicted on securities fraud
Newsday
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The content contained in this blog represents the opinions of underthecounter. This commentary in no way constitutes a solicitation of business or investment advice. It is intended solely for the entertainment of the reader, and the author.
Hug It Out on Virgin Air
The best season of Entourage was the first...lets hope the upcoming season delivers the goods lest I lay out a short on Vinnie Chase.
But for those of you who with real life Entourages (mostly sniveling junior analysts who seek career advice) you can complete your lifestyle by going Big on Virgin America:
Vinny Chase may never fly commercial to Vegas, but if he did, Richard Branson wants you to know that he would fly Virgin America.
At least, he would for now. In honor of Virgin America’s new non-stop flight from New York to Las Vegas, and the start of the fifth season of the series Entourage, Virgin America presents “Entourage Air,” an in-flight experience themed around the television show.
For huge fans of the series, it may almost be worth the price of a ticket. Virgin’s first J.F.K. to Vegas flight next Thursday, will premiere the fifth season’s first episode onboard—three days ahead of the September 7 premiere on HBO.
At least one of the planes serving Vegas will be decorated with an appropriately themed wrapper (read: billboard with wings), and if you pony up for a first class ticket on that route during the month of September, you will get to fly… are you ready? “Entourage Class.”
That means noise canceling headphones, champagne, Godiva chocolates, Kiehl’s products, and Entourage Air branded blankets and eye masks for you, sir. Portfolio
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You have to check your gun before boarding....
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Virgin and Entourage Hug It Out
Portfolio
Entourage Returns September 7th on HBO
The boys are back in two weeks....
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Wrong Entourage
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Nope…
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Yeah these Douchebags…
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Entourage
Website
Bigfoot: Sad Ending For Noble Creature
There are lot of theories floating around over the Bigfoot discovery.
I won’t rehash them all, but believe it was global warming that killed him, which of course killed the Montauk Monster.
Update: Noted Bigfoot hunter Mike Arrington is skeptical:
oh, let’s be clear. These guys are completely full of shit. I just can’t wait to see what it is that they are really selling.
Techcrunch photos, article
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Here is an interview with Fox News Channel on August 13th.
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Part One from the press conference earlier today is below
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Part Two: Three Bigfoot (Bigfeet?) stalked the guys as they pulled the “fresh body” (about 2 days old) out of the woods.
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Part Three: “Top Name” Scientists are on the case, they walk upright and don’t make sounds.
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Jane Goodall is convinced Yeti/Bigfoot exist after speaking with scores of native people around the world
