FDA Study: CROCS Shorts an Excellent Source of Protein
Wed Nov 29 05:40:11 2006 EST
New York (Dow Jones)--- A new study from the FDA confirms the obvious. Short sellers are an excellent source of protein for bloodthirsty CROCS longs.
Ali Gayter, Head Reptilian Researcher, commented “Scientists have long suspected that CROCS longs are a different breed. They are apex predators. Research in Motion (RIMM-NASDAQ) has also doubled since the fourth of July but our research indicates that RIMM longs are vegan-like compared to carnivorous CROX longs.”
Ms. Gayter went on to add “We would recommend CROCS longs consume the arm or a leg of a short every 24 hours"… adding “just swallow them whole” if hunger pangs persist.
CROCS shorts are indeed on the run, utilizing Planes, Trains and Automobiles in a futile attempt to escape the feeding frenzy. One panic stricken short even hijacked a Jet Ski in a desperate bid to wriggle free. Police recovered his mauled body near the Tappan Zee bridge.
On a sad note, Ms.Gayter added “these things always end badly. The longs will eventually turn on each other in a gory display of cannibalism, likely resulting in P/E compression.”
--StockJockey, Dow Jones Newswires: 212-555-1212
Our Kind of Jihad
Corporate america loves to bury news long after the tickers stop flickering. Releasing negative news to investors deep asleep in a food-induced coma is a tradition nearly as old as Thanksgiving itself.
But you can’t sneak much by the gumshoe on the prowl at this site. She wages the only Jihad we can endorse...the war against corporate shenanigans.
A random walk down Wall Street can leave you with bloodied and battered. Footnoted.org should help you stay out of harms way.
Happy Holidays
The staff of Underthecounter would like to wish all of our readers Happy Holidays. May you and yours enjoy continued health and financial prosperity.
Well you are reasonably healthy. And don’t look at us...we were net buyers today.
Unsafe At Any Speed
HEELYS, INC.
Common Stock
This is our initial public offering. We are offering shares of our common stock and the selling stockholders identified in this prospectus are offering an additional shares of our common stock. We will not receive any proceeds from the sale of the shares being sold by the selling stockholders. We expect that the initial public offering price for our stock will be between $ and $ per share.
Prior to this offering, there has been no public market for our common stock. We have applied to list our common stock on the Nasdaq Global Market under the symbol “HLYS.”
Investing in our common stock involves risks. See “Risk Factors” beginning on page 6.
With stocks like CROCS all the rage, real estate in the toilet and hot IPO’s once again capturing Main Street’s imagination, it is a good bet investment bankers will try to feather their nests by throwing shit against the wall.
Not long ago we used to challenge taxi’s all over the streets of New York on our roller blades. We also used to triple weight technology stocks. Ah, to be young and fearless.
Heelys are now more popular with children than technology stocks are with StockJockeys.
We are a designer, marketer and distributor of innovative, action sports-inspired products under the HEELYS brand targeted to the youth market. Our primary product, HEELYS-wheeled footwear, is patented, dual-purpose footwear that incorporates a stealth, removable wheel in the heel. HEELYS-wheeled footwear allows the user to seamlessly transition from walking or running to skating by shifting weight to the heel. Users can transform HEELYS-wheeled footwear into comfortable street footwear by removing the wheel. Read Form S-1 here
But with several accidents garnering media attention, can Ralph Nader be far behind?
As the popularity of Heelys, a type of skate shoe with detachable wheels in the heels, continues to soar (more than $44 million—the manufacturer’s net sales increased 106% from 2004 to 2005) so does the number of injuries to children. Use of this product can lead to concussions, fractures, lacerations and even death. This past March, a boy died while wearing his Heelys when he collided with a car. 10 worst toys list
Hospital Operating Rooms are apparently busier than HEELY retailers. If the bankers can get this deal to fly we will tip our hats to them.
But prospective investors might need a helmet.
Wall Street’s Biggest Turkeys of 2006
Investors have been taken on a wild ride in 2006. A relentless ramp kicked off the year, led by all things commodity-related. But May turned ugly as the crowded leadership groups turned tail. Geo-political tensions ensured that June and July were better spent at the beach than a trading desk. But buying into fear usually works if you can survive the drawdown and ‘06 has turned into a decent year for most investors.
But not all.
15 lb Turkey
The Detroit Lions never scare anyone Thanksgiving Day. But Tigers are the most feared cat on the Street. Indeed, one can only surmise that tigers breed like rabbits given how many Tiger Cubs stalk the dark recesses of Broad and Wall. Tiger alum Dwight Anderson, of Ospraie Management LLC, took it on the chin earlier this year as copper prices defied his quantitative models and a short position in the metal tarnished his precious reputation. But don’t cry for Dwight. His other funds righted the ship and he is still in business. For now.
20 lb Turkey
The story of Brian Hunter and Amaranth Advisors has been beat to death. But we have a different take on it. Sure, losing $5 billion sucks, but we think he is a bigger turkey for driving his Ferrari in the snow.
25 lb Turkey
In Greek mythology Apollo is a god. On Wall Street Apollo is a turkey. Everyone involved with this company has been tarred and feathered. Apollo paid beaucoup bucks to slap the name of their University of Phoenix subsidiary on the new home of the hapless Arizona Cardinals. Two turkeys there.
The CEO and CFO have both recently left the company. No worries for them however...they can live off of the proceeds of suspicious options awards. Two more Turkeys.
Sands Capital dropped a cool $500 million or so on the position over the last year. Not exactly chump change for a firm that size.
And the Citigroup analyst covering the stock has been roasted to a crisp. After initiating coverage with the stock in the mid-$50’s, Shitigroup recently pulled the plug and downgraded. Of course, the cruel stock gods lifted the issue 5% or so on the news of the rating flip-flop. Contrary indicator indeed.
Turkey’s are a native species on Wall Street. Perhaps you are a turkey if you are reading this post on Thanksgiving instead of spending time with friends and family.
We gotta hop ourselves. An old friend needs some attention. Thirty-six years old and still holding up like a champ. But much like a turkey this bottle ain’t likely to survive the day.
Sleep it off and we will see you tomorrow. 
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