FDA Study: CROCS Shorts an Excellent Source of Protein
Wed Nov 29 05:40:11 2006 EST
New York (Dow Jones)--- A new study from the FDA confirms the obvious. Short sellers are an excellent source of protein for bloodthirsty CROCS longs.
Ali Gayter, Head Reptilian Researcher, commented “Scientists have long suspected that CROCS longs are a different breed. They are apex predators. Research in Motion (RIMM-NASDAQ) has also doubled since the fourth of July but our research indicates that RIMM longs are vegan-like compared to carnivorous CROX longs.”
Ms. Gayter went on to add “We would recommend CROCS longs consume the arm or a leg of a short every 24 hours"… adding “just swallow them whole” if hunger pangs persist.
CROCS shorts are indeed on the run, utilizing Planes, Trains and Automobiles in a futile attempt to escape the feeding frenzy. One panic stricken short even hijacked a Jet Ski in a desperate bid to wriggle free. Police recovered his mauled body near the Tappan Zee bridge.
On a sad note, Ms.Gayter added “these things always end badly. The longs will eventually turn on each other in a gory display of cannibalism, likely resulting in P/E compression.”
--StockJockey, Dow Jones Newswires: 212-555-1212
Bad FORM
With Goldman Sachs wrapping up their fiscal year and the inevitable chatter over the bonus pool about to begin, we would like to remind mere mortals who incessantly type “goldman sachs compensation” into search engines that the folks employed there put their pants on one leg at a time, and occasionally botch a call.
Formfactor, Inc (FORM-NASDAQ) is engaged in semiconductor wafer testing. Semiconductor capital equipment stocks are notoriously volatile, and have long been a go-to sector for money managers looking to goose fourth-quarter returns. The beta trade indeed.
On September 26th Goldman added FORM to their conviction buy list. We are partial to lists here at UTC. We love Christmas lists, to-do lists and Blackwell’s worst-dressed lists. We are not sure what a conviction buy list is...but it probably has something to do with buying stocks with Other Peoples Money (OPM).
Today Goldman removed the stock from their list of dubious merit. Investors who followed Goldman’s call got spanked. We will spare them the ignominy of annualizing those returns. That would be mean.
No doubt a 1440 loyalist somewhere lost money on this crappy call. We won’t stand for that.
While we can’t take away the Goldman analyst’s bonus, some type of punishment is in order.
No soup for you, Goldman.
Our Kind of Jihad
Corporate america loves to bury news long after the tickers stop flickering. Releasing negative news to investors deep asleep in a food-induced coma is a tradition nearly as old as Thanksgiving itself.
But you can’t sneak much by the gumshoe on the prowl at this site. She wages the only Jihad we can endorse...the war against corporate shenanigans.
A random walk down Wall Street can leave you with bloodied and battered. Footnoted.org should help you stay out of harms way.
Unsafe At Any Speed
HEELYS, INC.
Common Stock
This is our initial public offering. We are offering shares of our common stock and the selling stockholders identified in this prospectus are offering an additional shares of our common stock. We will not receive any proceeds from the sale of the shares being sold by the selling stockholders. We expect that the initial public offering price for our stock will be between $ and $ per share.
Prior to this offering, there has been no public market for our common stock. We have applied to list our common stock on the Nasdaq Global Market under the symbol “HLYS.”
Investing in our common stock involves risks. See “Risk Factors” beginning on page 6.
With stocks like CROCS all the rage, real estate in the toilet and hot IPO’s once again capturing Main Street’s imagination, it is a good bet investment bankers will try to feather their nests by throwing shit against the wall.
Not long ago we used to challenge taxi’s all over the streets of New York on our roller blades. We also used to triple weight technology stocks. Ah, to be young and fearless.
Heelys are now more popular with children than technology stocks are with StockJockeys.
We are a designer, marketer and distributor of innovative, action sports-inspired products under the HEELYS brand targeted to the youth market. Our primary product, HEELYS-wheeled footwear, is patented, dual-purpose footwear that incorporates a stealth, removable wheel in the heel. HEELYS-wheeled footwear allows the user to seamlessly transition from walking or running to skating by shifting weight to the heel. Users can transform HEELYS-wheeled footwear into comfortable street footwear by removing the wheel. Read Form S-1 here
But with several accidents garnering media attention, can Ralph Nader be far behind?
As the popularity of Heelys, a type of skate shoe with detachable wheels in the heels, continues to soar (more than $44 million—the manufacturer’s net sales increased 106% from 2004 to 2005) so does the number of injuries to children. Use of this product can lead to concussions, fractures, lacerations and even death. This past March, a boy died while wearing his Heelys when he collided with a car. 10 worst toys list
Hospital Operating Rooms are apparently busier than HEELY retailers. If the bankers can get this deal to fly we will tip our hats to them.
But prospective investors might need a helmet.
