Un-Bearable Summer at the Beach

With thousands of Bear Stearns (BSC-NYSE) employees soon to be idle, uninvited weekend house guest are likely to become the next calamity on Wall Street. A few common sense rules might help you get through the summer free of destitute bankers looking for a place to crash:

1) Don’t pick up your phone. Bear staffers can’t ruin your weekend in the Hamptons if they can’t reach you to invite themselves out.

2) Hide the silverware. Pilferage is a concern if they track you down. Bear staffers have access to Bloomberg data until Labor Day, and know where precious metals are trading. Not even base metals are safe, which are easily melted down for scrap.

3) Praise Paulson. If they track you down, spend your time praising the tireless efforts of Hank Paulson. The Treasury Secretary sold them down the River, and the constant mention of his name is certain to drive them back to the city.

Of course, if you can’t duck them, make sure they bring you tchotchkes in lieu of housegifts, like flowers. Their stock might be worthless, but barter with them over trinkets. Alan Schwartz proved they are lousy negotiators, and scoring a beach towel, like the one pictured after the jump, should be a layup.

Risk Advisory?

The toes pictured above belong to an actual Bear Stearns employee, who inspired this post

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